One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I've Learned About Everyone's Struggle to Be Singular

It's probably because I'm so close to the subject matter (I'm an identical twin myself), but this is my favorite book of 2009. I can't think of another book - fiction or nonfiction - that has had the emotional resonance with me that this one does. In this book, Pogrebin talks about twinness in a way that I've been trying to to find the right words for my whole life.

Before I start, full disclaimer: I am not a twin nor are there any twins in any branches of my family, but I have always been fascinated by twinship. I saw a review for Abigail Pogrebrin's One and the Same on the Jewish Book Council web site and felt like it was a book I had to read. Abigail and Robin Pogrebrin are the twin daughters of former Ms Magazine writer Letty Cottin Pogrebrin. As girls they enjoyed a strong twinship but as they move toward middle age, Robin decided to make her own way s [...]

This book was splendid. I'd been looking for over two years now for a book about parenting identical twins, and this is the best I've found so far, even though that's not its aim. Most books about twins seem to assume that you have fraternals (probably because they're the most common), and while they can be helpful in teaching you logistics (e.g what do you do when they're both hungry at once?), they don't address the question of how you parent two children who are genetically identical. (They a [...]

As a mom to one-year-old identical twin girls, I was excited to find a book by an identical twin about the twin experience. I found the book an engaging read and filled with interesting perspectives from a variety of twins. I came away feeling that I had gained some valuable insight that will hopefully help me be a better parent to my girls.That said, I think this was one of the most depressing books I have ever read. The book starts off great, and covers exactly the topics I was interested in. [...]

I was drawn to this book because like so many other mothers of twins,I am constantly on the prowl for advice on raising twins. Having been blessed 16 years ago with 2 beautiful girls, I can relate to so many of the stories shared in this book.The author, Abigail Pogrebin, is herself a twin, close to my age. The book includes interviews with mothers of twins and twins themselves. I found the stories of twin talk, marriage, and the need to individualize so interesting. It turns out that for so man [...]

"My life as an identical twin and what I've learned about everyone's struggle to be singular": Doesn't that sound like a memoir? Abigail Pogrebin tricked me! But I am okay with it, even though One And The Same is more sociology than memoir. I like sociology, too.Oh, twins are so, so interesting. I love twins! Turns out, everyone else does too! (Except, sometimes, their twins) Pogrebin has written a fascinating book about the inner lives of twins; she interviewed loving pairs, hating pairs, pairs [...]

I am not a twin, and there are none in my family, but I have always been curious about them. I found this book really fascinating to read, and very well written. I especially liked all the personal accounts given by the many twins. I was surprised by the many downsides to being and having a twin,but also charmed by the benefits. I would consider this book essential reading for those expecting twins, or new parents of twins. There are many good tips, such as making sure each parent spends some 'a [...]

This book helped me understand and articulate the bond of identical twins, the challenges they face in life, and ways to embrace that bond or encourage autonomy.

If you are a twin, are a parent of twin or have twins in your family (siblings), this is a great book to read to understand the phenomenon of the complex twin relationship. Granted, the author is herself an identical twin and she sets about understanding this intense bond between her and her sister through the prism of her own twinship. Her and her sister were always intensely close and in their adult lives, though they both live in Manhattan, are both writers and see each other regularly and co [...]

I really enjoyed this book and it has definitely made me realize how little I understand about raising twins. Though this book is written mostly around the aspects of the identical twin relationship, I felt that much of it applied to fraternal twins as well. There are complexities that I hadn't really considered about the twin relationship. I never knew how difficult it is for many male twins to stay happily married because there are really three people in the marriage and their wives will never [...]

The world is fascinated with, if not a little creeped out by identical twins. When I found out that our twin girls were identical, I admit I had a little bit of a panic attack. On the one hand, it seemed like such a special bond - I hoped (and still do) that they will forever have a connection that only they can understand. But, on the other hand, I wanted to be sure that they developed a world outside themselves. I wondered how much they would be the same and how much of an effort I'd have to m [...]

This is a really great book for people wanting to know more about twins. It could be for twins or people who are trying to understand the relationship of twins that are in their life whether parent or friend. I think this is a great coming of age book for any twin and I am glad that I read this as a Junior because it is very important in thinking about colleges and futures either separate or together. In this book, Abigail, the author who is also a twin, goes in depth about all the research and [...]

I loved this book. Especially the chapter called Twin Shock 101. It described perfectly the roller-coaster of having newborn twins home, some of the issues with prematurity and the guilt of having a hard time with it all despite the babies being so wanted. One of my favorite lines, "Premature babies are small, not social, not nice. They do not smile so soon as others and it's hard to interact with them. They don't know how to give cues to the environment like a full-term baby when they are hungr [...]

I'm almost done listening to this book, and I've found it difficult to take my headphones off when I need to. My only wish is that the author herself had narrated the audio book.This book is beautifully, candidly written, and it examines all kinds of perspectives (even her own). I'm interested in the form - part memoir, part journalistic exploration - and would love to see how it's presented in page format. Between the case studies are conversations between Abigail and her twin Robin that are fr [...]

In general, this book is a very interesting exploration of the lives of twins which incorporates a wide range of perspectives. I felt the section about the Farleys could have been handled much better than it was; Pogrebin explicitly asserts that Clair Farley "went so far as to become a woman to differentiate himself from his twin" when Clair openly contradicts this characterization of her transgender identity in her interview with Pogrebin (and prefers female pronouns, which are used inconsisten [...]

Solid 3.5. Well-written, interesting.

Dnf honk shoo honk shoo

I first learned of One and the Same from the author's blog entry at DoubleX. The text intrigued me enough to go over to and read a description of the book there. Lest you think the book is only of interest to parents of identical twins, says:If you’re considering IVF, if you are a twin or have a twin, or are married to a twin, or dating one, this book is a necessity."Considering IVF"? Really? To be fair, the chapter on fertility treatments is more relevant to fraternal twins. But if IVF is y [...]

I am fascinated by and a little bit scared of twins. They have their own language and relate to one another in a way inaccessible to us singletons, or so it seems at any rate. Pogrebin, an identical twin, confronts this idea from various angles.This book has its flaws. The author comes to the subject with a strong prejudice. I mean, obviously, she is a twin, but she also feels that the twin magic is real and overridingly important, so perhaps there is some confirmation bias in the information sh [...]

The biggest problem with this book is the author cannot decide if it is a memoir about her and her twin sister or a scholarly look at the subject of twins. She see-saws back and forth between "Robin and I" stories and objective reporting. Further, she admits that she started her research by simply asking friends and neighbors to suggest twins to interview. As such, most of her subjects (and many of her experts)are Ivy-League-educated, wealthy, Jewish Manhattanites, a pretty select group to base [...]

Abigail Pogrebin is an identical twin who has some issues with her twinship. As children, she and her twin, Robin, were constant companions. Now that they are grown up, Robin has pulled away somewhat. Abigail wants more of Robin. Robin wants less of Abigail. Abigail's personal struggle to accept and understand her sister's needs was the impetus for the writing of this book. Abigail questions, What does it mean to be a twin? She interviews lots and lots of twins. She interviews fertility speciali [...]

The author herself is an identical twin. She travels the county collecting the stories of other identical twins and their relationships. As well as she explores her relationship with her twin, Robin. I read Isabelle a few excerpts about how Abigail feels about identical twinship and Isabelle feels very much like that is so. It's a beautifully intimate relationship for a lot of twins. More so than any of us could imagine and sometimes I try. As close as I am to my husband, my sister,my best frien [...]

After having 3 "singletons", my husband and I had identical twin daughters. It was hard at first, having five children under the age of 10! At that time the only book I could find about twins talked about the importance of getting twin babies on the same schedule so mom could put her feet up at the same time every day to have a cup of tea, HA! That wasn't any help! What an adventure and privilege and JOY it has been to raise twins! But all the along the way I have craved a book that would give u [...]

My identical girls (part of triplets) were about 4 when I read this book. I wanted to hear another person's opinion on how it was to grow up a twin, in the hopes that I save my kids from years of therapy doing what I think is best, but finding I'm more harmful than helpful. The author tells the story of her sister and her lives intertwined throughout educational bits of different researchers, papers, and events. She obviously did her homework, as she has extensive interviews with twins and profe [...]

This was a very informative and yet engrossing read. Obviously, as a mother of identical twins, the information was particularly fascinating and applicable. I am grateful for this book, as I had questions about how much and when and why I should separate my twins. And if only that question was answered, I would feel that it was worth the read, but there was so much more to it than that. Pogrebin is very candid and honest, as are the twins she interviewed, and I feel like I can see into their min [...]

Being an identical twin, this book really spoke to some of the issues that singletons may not be aware of when encountering a set of twins. There is this illusion that we are automatic best friends who never see faults in each other, when in fact there are so many layers to your relationship to your twin, and not all of them pretty, that people would be surprised at how well-adjusted some twins were able to become! While I don't have every single issue going on that the author touched on, there [...]

This book started off very good for me, about the joy of twinship. But then there was a large section on twins who have not had a good life experience. As one twin put it - you always have a measuring stick next to you - for life. I found that section so depressing I put this book down for a long time. When I picked it back up over the holidays, the last section was on 'twinless twins' - those who have lost their twin. Psychologists have compared the death of a twin as akin to if not greater tha [...]

I really enjoyed this book and found it very interesting. The author looks at "twinship" from so many different angles including love, loss, separation and estrangement. I appreciated her input as an identical twin as it lent an air of authenticity to her opinions. Some of the subject matter (death of a twin, twins lost in 9-11, the Holocaust, genetic diseases) were difficult to read, but I feel the book would not be complete without them. One of the things I appreciated most about this book was [...]

I would recommend this book to twins, parents and friends of twins, or anyone who's ever wondered what it would be like to be a twin. The author, Abigail Pogrebin, discusses the evolving relationship she has experienced with her identical twin sister, and also interviews several other twins to explore the unique joys and challenges of having a "double". As a twin myself, I enjoyed finding some of my own thoughts about being a twin given voice in the stories of other twins. I especially connected [...]

If you're a parent of twins or a twin yourself, this is a must-read. The author is an identical twin and the book's focus is really on identicals, but with some research/stories about fraternals. Abby (author) had a great relationship with her sister while growing up, but they've drifted as adults. I was mostly interested in the competitiveness angle of being an identical. She covers this, but because she never experienced it herself, I found the chapter weak. Still it was an insightful look as [...]